


savor all the little pieces

by littlelionvanz



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Gardens & Gardening, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 10:14:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6325042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelionvanz/pseuds/littlelionvanz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Since when do you garden?”</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <i>Ronan snorted, “Since I grew up on a fucking farm, genius. Jesus who gave you permission to pursue higher education.”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	savor all the little pieces

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from "[a small reunion](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J80Kwgij7lU)" by the naked and famous

The future and all of its uncertainties and mysteries was something that was mutually, though unspoken, agreed upon to just not talk about. It was looming fast, as winter melted from Henrietta and everyone came alive again in the early spring. There was only a few months of school remaining before exams, graduation, summer, and then the all-too unknown.

Ronan hated talking about the future, adulthood, anything that would mean change from the fragile stability the group had found themselves in. Adam saw how uncomfortable it made him, when someone mentioned college, moving away, the inevitable splintering apart. He became bristly and quiet and standoffish. Entirely checked out of the conversation.

It started when Adam got his first acceptance letters. Columbia University came on a Monday, with Caltech on a Wednesday. Florida State University on Saturday morning. Ronan hadn’t talked to him again, or could stand to be around him for more than five minutes, until the following Friday after. It was the dampening on his high of relief at finally _finally_ being guaranteed a step out the door somewhere. Anywhere.

The longer he thought about it, the more he understood that it wasn’t that Ronan wasn’t happy for his success, Ronan didn’t want to be left alone again. He didn’t want this thing of theirs, however precious it was, to break.

There was no question that Adam Parrish was leaving the state of Virginia one way or another. There was no question that Ronan Lynch was staying. That’s just how it was, so there was no use in talking about it.

 

Instead of talking about it, Adam studied. Gansey studied. Blue studied. Ronan did not study. Pass or fail, he couldn’t care less.

Because Ronan never asked Adam to take time from studying to hang out with him, Adam did anyways - but only on the basis that whatever Ronan wanted to do, books would be brought. There was almost a small alarm in Adam, a soft ringing thing, at the awareness that Ronan didn’t care if they spent the entire day in the library with Adam not talking to him.

It was enough that they were together at the very least. It made him feel good in reasons he couldn’t quite figure out.

They wound up at the Barns, more often than anywhere else. He never said so to Ronan, not at first, that this was his favorite place to study. The cool spring air was sweet with new grass . In the afternoon when the sun was most high, Adam would find a place in an old oak tree and read. He could almost trick himself into thinking that for once, he was reading a book purely out his own interest not out of obligation.

Ronan did whatever he tended to do when left to his own devices. It was a benefit of being on Ronan’s turf and away from the general public - Adam didn’t necessarily have to supervise him. They would spend hours at the Barns, Ronan tinkering away on a project in his barn, Adam drafting essays or studying for a test. It was weirdly harmonious and bonding in that way.

It was a Sunday afternoon, just after church ended, that Ronan brought them there. It was a bright, warm day towards the end of March. Adam had barely got out of the car when Ronan was rushing towards a shed behind the house. He didn’t think anything of it, just that Ronan was doing whatever Ronan did to keep himself occupied.

It was a few hours after, when Adam decided to give his eyes a break after agonizing over physics equations, that he found Ronan on the far end of the field. Adam hadn’t noticed it before, as the space had always been grown over with as much green as the rest of the property. But now it was turned over, brown, a large square space set apart from the rest of the yard.

Ronan was shirtless and frankly, filthy. He was sweating, making the black of his tattoo glisten in the afternoon sun. He hadn’t heard Adam come up, as he was too busy in his patch of dirt, pulling weeds and tossing them to a giant pile. He was wearing worn cream colored gardening gloves  that were brown and in the palms from years of use. He was swapped out of his church dress pants for a pair of cargo shorts that he had to have found in the house.

And what suddenly struck Adam was alarming that this was the first time he’d ever seen Ronan’s legs. Granted, the shorts hung below his knees, so there was nothing truly remarkable about his calves beyond how pale they were. In fact this was this was the most skin he’d ever seen of Ronan since he’d known him. Adam had to force himself not to stare at his red torso with the dark strip of  navel hair travelling below the Emporio Armani boxer label when Ronan stood and was startled by Adam standing there behind him.

“Goddamn it, Adam,” he threw a hand full of weeds to his pile. “Are you sure you’re not going to fucking spy school in the fall?”

For some reason this made Adam smile, which he didn’t feel like hiding from him. “What are you doing?”

“The fuck does it look like, Parrish,” Ronan said stripping off a glove to pick up a water bottle at the edge of his dirt patch, next to Adam. “Weeding my garden.”

Adam quirked an eyebrow, deliberately not watching the bob of Ronan’s throat while he gulped down the water, and did not see the few drops that escaped and trickled down the front of Ronan’s chest.

“Since when do you garden?”

Ronan snorted, “Since I grew up on a fucking _farm_ , genius. Jesus who gave you permission to pursue higher education.”

Adam rolled his eyes. Point taken. Ronan wiped his forehead of sweat. It truly wasn’t _that_ hot out, as Adam was genuinely enjoying the nice breeze and was barely even warm standing out in the sun. But looking at the tops of Ronan’s shoulders, pinking from the heat, you would swear it was heading towards the 90 degree marker.

“Okay Old MacDonald,” that earned Adam a Ronan a smirk that he felt weirdly victorious of, “What are you planting?”

“I don’t know yet, thinking tomatoes, squash, maybe some sugar peas and carrots for now. Gonna add some blueberry bushes up by the house. We kinda let them die before… well, the fuckin blue jays loved to steal all my berries.”

Adam laughed, “Of course you’d make an enemy of a blue jay, Lynch.”

“Those mother fuckers ruined the fourth of July pie I was going to make. Had all the strawberries and those little bastards at every damn berry off the bush.”

Adam was trying so hard not to laugh but he couldn’t help it. This was the most worked up Ronan had gotten over something so innocent, maybe ever. He couldn’t help how suddenly attracted he was to Farmer Ronan Lynch.

 

“This soil is special, wanna know why,” Ronan asked one afternoon, as Adam took a break from an English essay to help him begin planting seeds.

“Is this dream soil?”

“ _Obviously,_ Parrish. Anything planted is destined to grow. It’s the most fertile soil you’ll find anywhere. No disease, no rot, no bugs. Things grow faster and taste better than you’ve ever had in your life.”

 

Adam and Ronan fell into a sort of rhythm. He quit two of his jobs, no longer needing to work the extra hours at the factory and Dollar City now that his tuition for the spring was paid for. He was left with free afternoons and free weekends that he didn’t have to spend studying every minute of. In fact, he enjoyed either doing nothing at all, getting into long talks and drives to far off libraries  or bookstores with Gansey, or here knelt in soft dirt carefully pulling baby weeds.

It was relaxing, working with his hands, feeling the magic of dream soil between his hands. He felt as tethered here as he did in Cabeswater, but more in terms of connection than obligation. He could almost feel the heartbeats of the plants when he placed his hands on the mounds of the sprouts. He felt life literally in his hands.

He wondered if Ronan could feel it too, if that’s what made gardening so special to him. An extension of dreaming, carefully yielding something from nothing.

Ronan added his blueberry bushes onto the side of the main house, as promised, with an addition to raspberries. And just for the fuck of it, large potters of various kinds of herbs to grow on the back porch.

“What exactly are we planning to do with this, what looks to be a plentiful harvest?”

They were inside, Ronan using a wet washcloth to wipe the dirt and sweat from his face. Adam was helping himself to a plum from the bowl of the freshly picked on the kitchen table.

Ronan shrugged, hopping up to sit on the counter top. Swinging his legs, it was easy for Adam to imagine him being a little kid in this house. Adam was almost getting used to this version of him. Carefree, boyish. Stable.

“Eat most of it probably. That’s what we used to do, make a big dinner after the harvest. Package up the rest, safe for winter. I’ll need _something_ to live off of.”

This caught Adam off guard. He swallowed a mouth full of sweet plum, darting his tongue out to lick the side of his mouth.

“So you are staying here? In the fall?” Adam hoped it was okay to ask. They hadn’t been talking about anything of the sort in their perfect little harmony of the Barns.

He couldn’t ignore the way Ronan was looking at his lap now, jaw clenched more than it had been a second ago.

“I guess,” he said quieter. “You and Gansey fucking off God knows where, kinda the only option for me, ain’t it?”

Adam nodded, allowing the kitchen to grow quiet. The sun was going to be setting soon, as it filled the house with an orange glow.

“I think you could make it work,” he said after a moment. “Doing this. Farming. Living off your land.”

Ronan looked up from a spot on the floor. Adam couldn’t ignore the flush that pooled in his stomach when those eyes landed on him, how quiet his own voice got looking at him.

Something softened in Ronan’s shoulders. “Not gonna try and convince me to go to college? Gansey has had a fist up my ass about it for weeks.”

Adam shook his head, taking another bite of the plum, uncaring about the drops that landed on his shirt.

“Why should you,” he said with a  mouthful. “If you need money you could just sell some of your crop, sell the milk from the cows, hell make cheese if you really wanted to. Go the whole _Grandma Lynch’s Finest_ route.”

Ronan smiled, rolling his eyes. “Fuck off. Got my life all figured out for me now?”

Adam shook his head, “No, you’ve already been doing it, asshole.”

He let himself picture it, Ronan living here. The one place he’s ever really been truly happy. Safe, out of trouble, working for himself instead of a bank or a business as he always feared and dreaded being forced into. Adam knew he would be good at this, knew he would enjoy it - the solitude of his valley farm. Hell maybe he’d finally let his hair grow in. Ronan would be okay here.

But Ronan didn’t seem entirely too thrilled about it for the same reason that Adam felt a strange pang of sadness in the pit of his stomach thinking about Ronan in this future. Who would he be here with to share it with? They were getting so close to cracking the mystery of Cabeswater to be able to bring his mother home. But with Declan in DC, Matthew still in school, Gansey and the rest going off to college, Ronan would be here alone.

It didn’t sit well with Adam then for some reason. The idea of Ronan being alone. Lonely. He didn’t like it. He didn’t mention it again.

 

Spring rolled swiftly into summer. Graduation, more acceptance letters to Harvard, Yale, and Stanford. There was chaos and confusion with Cabeswater and Welsh kings. There was also blooms of squash, green tomatoes beginning to ripen, berries to beginning to bunch. It was a calm constant in the insanity Adam and Ronan often found themselves in.

Though it wasn’t gardening all the time. There was water hose fights on hot days. Swimming in the river further down the valley on hotter days. They cooked out on the grill with Gansey, Blue and Noah some nights. And fell asleep on cotton blankets under the stars when the sky was clear.

It was the first time in probably Adam’s whole life, that he felt peace. Relaxed. No more Aglionby, no more factories, slaving away on this essay and that. It hit him suddenly, he would actually miss some part of Henrietta when he left for college. He truly didn’t think that was possible. He was ready to be done with this town and move on to bigger and better things.

But he would miss this. Every time he let himself think about the inevitability of moving on and away, his thoughts always came to Ronan. How badly he would miss him. Laughing and playing and arguing. Hell even gardening. They would keep in touch, sure. But it wouldn’t be the same as being near him. Smelling the mixture of rich earth and sun and sweat when he came inside after a long day. Or hearing the mirth in his voice when he told a particularly unfunny joke.

It wouldn’t be the same as admiring Ronan toss bales of hay and the muscles in his arms that formed from doing it so much.

 _I love him_ . He let himself think finally. _Fuck. I love love love Ronan._

And oh God, it hurt to think about. It burned in his stomach every time he looked at him and _Jesus_ it felt good.

 

Adam Parrish was good at getting what he wanted, accomplishing his goals, when he knew he wanted something. It didn’t necessarily make the plan of action by any means easy, but he was resilient enough to get to whatever end result he needed. Everything in his life had been a series of steps and calculated moves of survival. Doing what he needed to get to the aforementioned Point B from Point A.

He thought that liking someone, dating, the whole like, was just like anything else in life. Which of course, with someone as minimal experience as he had, meant that he had no idea what to do. There was no manual, no syllabus, no list of things to do to accomplish what he wanted.

It would be easy enough if he even knew _what exactly_  he wanted to come out of this.  It was one thing to know he was in love with someone - with Ronan Lynch. It was another to only have a couple of months before he was on a flight to California. He hadn’t told Ronan yet.

_What do you want Adam?_

 

“Here taste some of these,” Ronan found him in the kitchen. A hand towel was tucked into the front of his jeans and he held it up to carry a few bunches of blueberries.

Adam found himself smiling when Ronan presented the treat. He popped a couple in his mouth, pleasantly surprised at the burst of sweetness when he bit down on the tender berry flesh. He was embarrassed to admit that he'd never had fresh blueberries. All of his fruit intake consisted of the syrupy canned coctail as a kid and the occasional banana at school. 

“Good right?”Ronan supplied for him, studying Adam’s expression and matching it with a brilliant grin of his own.

They stood there, steadily eating blueberries until the the hand towel was empty. And then, after for a moment of not saying anything, they were just smiling at each other. There was nothing extraordinary about the moment except its brilliant simplicity that Adam could feel the most peace and clarity having not said or done anything, really. Just letting himself feel the beauty in such a simple small moment.

And so he kissed him. It was soft, and startling. Adam felt Ronan’s sharp inhale through his nose when their lips pressed together. Worried that he was going to somehow fuck this up before it was too late, Adam pulled away and looked down. His face was suddenly inflamed.

_Why did I do that. Fuck fuck fuck._

Ronan cleared his throat, fidgeting with his hands. “What was that?”

He was looking at the floor, or at least Adam assumed so because he also was looking at the floor.

Adam’s throat felt dry suddenly. Stupidly, he shrugged.

“I have no idea,” he said truthfully. He had no idea what came after. It felt weird to tell Ronan that he felt the most intense urge to kiss him in that moment, so he didn’t. Adam stood awkwardly, almost wishing he hadn’t done it now because the awkward as fuck silence was almost too much to bear. Somehow he’d gone and fucked this up, what a shocker.

But in a plot twist Adam did _not_ see coming, because rashness didn’t leave much room for planning ahead, a hand - _Ronan’s hand_ \- found a place on Adam’s hip. The other followed on the other side and before Adam knew what exactly was going on in this sudden turn of events, he was being pushed into the kitchen counter with Ronan’s entire front pressed against his.

He was forced to look up, to see the wild delight in Ronan’s eyes. To feel the hard well-worked planes of Ronan’s body against his own.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you to do that,” Ronan said with a raw vulnerability Adam hadn’t known him to be capable of.

Adam smirked, “So why didn’t you? You’ve had of opportunities.”

“What can I say, I’m a procrastinator at heart,”

“Yeah it’s a real wonder you get anything done without me.”

“Guess you’ll have to show me again.”

Adam brought his hands to rest over Ronan’s shoulders, suddenly making him feel closer. Ronan met him halfway this time, and they kissed and kissed and kissed.

 

Adam Parrish found himself in a dream world. Days blended together, bound with much of the same stuff as before, but with the added permission of being able to touch more and look longer. What surprised Adam the most, what he didn’t anticipate, was being touched and gazed upon in return.  So many times he felt eyes on him, looking up to see Ronan simply staring at him with a soft shy smile.

Being kissed never ceased to catch him off guard. It made his ears burn red when Ronan touched his face, traced the shell of his ear, and gave him slow cautious kisses. He found himself surprise at how okay he was with Ronan’s gentle coaxing kisses. How badly he wanted more of them. It was hard not to think about when Ronan walked everywhere half clothed. So many times he was constantly distracted by the sight of him strolling about.

Adam was embarrassingly attracted to Ronan, that was plain as day. He couldn’t think of any other person who made his heart beat so fast at just a thought of naked skin, he had to force himself to think of something, _anything_ else. It was truly a taxing feat to resist touching him all the time, even if he thought Ronan wouldn’t mind.

Ronan Lynch had the sort of raw masculinity that others aspired to achieve, that he came by naturally. The way he carried himself, the way used his hands on various tasks, the way his facial hair was beginning to grow in. Well, it made Adam more and more certain that he was not 100% heterosexual anymore. And the way Ronan seemed to actually melt in Adam’s hands when he touched him, God, he didn’t even care anymore.

 

Adam’s birthday fell on a Sunday, on a scorching hot day of July. It was the day before July Fourth, so Ronan invited everyone to stay over at the Barns for a bonfire and fireworks. Matthew had come home from staying in DC with Declan for the first half of summer, and it was painfully sweet to see how excited he was to see his home being made into a real home again.

Matthew’s happiness was the infectious sort and Adam wondered if it was something he inherited from Ronan all those years ago.

“Are you and my brother like, a thing?” He asked coming up onto the back porch where Adam sat. A pitcher of sweet tea sat on the table and Matthew helped himself to a glass.

The question had caught him off guard because until that moment, Adam had never really classified them as really anything.

He thought for a moment, adjusting himself in the patio chair. “Yeah, I think we are.”

Matthew simply smiled, “Cool. He’s a lot happier now.”

“He’s happier being here, his home.”

“No,” Matthew said taking a sip of the tea. “He’s happy because _you’re_ here.”

Adam felt himself blush. “He told you?”

“A while ago yeah,” Matthew was beaming, “When he told me he was gay and I asked if he liked anyone.”  


Everyone, including Adam, was pleasantly surprised at how delicious dinner was that night. Ronan showed him now to clean and chop vegetables for a salad, as well as bundling some in foil for roasting on the grill. He marinated pork chops using rosemary and garlic and grilled them. Ronan handled himself in the kitchen, knowing exactly what went with what, how long this and that needed to cook, like a seasoned chef. As if he’d been doing this all his life.

Adam for a moment felt slightly betrayed. At Monmouth the only food one could find was frozen mozzarella sticks, or boxes of days old pizza crust. Ronan seemed to be a creature that could exist purely on the greasiest, saltiest, most over processed food imaginable. Of course, Adam was one to talk as he barely ate enough as it was, but Ronan was willingly choosing heart disease. Well _was._

“We should have planted some arugula back in April,” he said running the heads of romaine lettuce under the sink.

Adam didn’t want to ask what it was, but assumed it was a fancy lettuce you could only find in one of those all organic gluten free supermarkets. Not exactly a staple of Henrietta’s Piggly Wiggly.

They ate outside on blankets in the grass with the fireflies. The heat had mercy on them once the sun set behind the valley. The sun was setting into a magnificence of yellows, violets, and blood oranges. Everyone ate in near silence, aside from the the mouthfuls of praise at how delicious the food was. Gansey saying what Adam was thinking in kitchen:

“How come you never fed me like this?”

Ronan rolled his eyes, “Because the only working kitchen was next to the shitter, _Dick_.”

“These vegetables are delicious, though, seriously.” Blue said savoring large bite of cauliflower.

“Thank Adam,” Ronan said nudging him with his knee. “He’s still the magician.”

“Nah,” Adam shook his head, “I just did what Ronan showed me. Nothin’ special. Ronan’s the real wizard out here.”

Ronan nudged him again, compliments made him bashful.

Stars began to twinkle in the clearing sky. The moon was full and high. They talked and laughed, reminiscing about old times, old teachers, the mystery surrounding Ronan’s graduation.

“I swear,” Gansey laughed, “We had an easier time finding Glendower than getting this punk to graduate.”

“I think they were just finally ready to be rid of me.”

“If you had to repeat Mr. Anderson’s Trig, he was probably going to quit.”

“Well, I think I did actually force Mrs. Powell into early retirement.”

They laughed until their sides hurt. It was a moment much like the ones they shared when they were together. In love with the simplicity of being together again. It was perfect. Well, it _was_ perfect until-

“Adam, I bet you’re gonna miss this in California-”

He wasn’t sure who it came from, but he looked at Ronan who had snapped his head up.

“What?” Ronan said, his eyebrows pulling together.

“When Adam goes to,” _Please stop talking Gansey,_ “Cal...Tech…”

It got scary quiet almost instantly. Everyone incredibly aware at how awkward the tension was. Adam had accepted a position at California Institute of Technology, some three thousand miles away and everyone seemed to already know, except Ronan.

He didn’t talk for the rest of evening.

 

“When the fuck were you going to tell me?”

Ronan was washing dishes in the kitchen when Adam found him. He hated this. It felt like everything was suddenly falling apart.

“I was  going to, Ronan, I was.”

He scoffed and Adam could see how pissed he was from how tightly wound he was suddenly. Like he was struggling to hold it together. Adam hadn’t seen him this pissed in a long time. He almost forgot what it was like to see him this upset.

“Yeah?” He said turning, leaning against the sink and folding his arms across his chest. “When, the day you left?”

“You knew I was going away in the fall, Ronan."

“Oh don’t you give me that shit,” Ronan spat. “Of course I knew you were leaving, asshole. You just never told me where you were going."

"How was I supposed to!" Adam cried, growing frustrated. "Every time I even mentioned it, you would get all pissy."

"Yeah I was pissy because you were leaving. But that was before you became my fucking  _boyfriend,_ dipshit."

That word rung something in Adam. He'd never called what they were, anything specific. It didn't really have a name as far as he guessed. But maybe it did to Ronan. Maybe this was way more important than Adam let himself think it was.

"And besides," Ronan continued, "It's not my fucking responsibility to guess at what  _you're_ doing with  _your_ life. You know, I'm not so fucking fragile that you can't tell me these things. Especially when it involves you fucking off to god know's where."

Ronan was right. He was completely and entirely right. When Adam accepted a place at Caltech, he wasn’t thinking about anything else besides how happy he was to have gotten in at all. It was his dream school. It was one last thing to stress about, to worry about. But it didn’t change the fact that Ronan was beyond pissed. He was hurt. Adam hadn’t meant to do that.

“I’m sorry,” Adam reached for him, but Ronan jerked away.  

Ronan looked down, beginning to chew on his lip. He did that when he was upset about something.

It was so easy to get so caught up in how happy he had been this summer with Ronan, he wanted it to last forever. Ronan had made him the happiest he’d felt since before he could remember. Adam felt more okay with himself than he had in years. All the things he didn’t know he wanted, he had these last few months. And with the tick-tock of the kitchen clock, and the way Ronan stood apart and away from him, he knew he was losing it little by little.

Adam hated this. “Is this over?”

Ronan shrugged in a poor show of nonchalance. “I think this was always coming to an end, Parrish. What with college and shit. You were always gonna leave here. Me."

That fucking _stung._

“Do you want it to end though?”

Ronan looked at him then, only he didn’t look angry anymore. He just looked sad.

“You finally got what you want, Parrish. It doesn’t matter what I want.”

But it _did_ though. Everything mattered, but especially Ronan. How easy would it be to tell Ronan that he loved him. That he was disgustingly, embarrassingly in love with him. How easy it would be to make it worse. The one thing he wanted was awaiting him in the fall. The thing he wanted equally, if not painfully as bad, pushed himself from the sink, mumbled something about going to bed, and made his way out of the kitchen.

Adam didn’t follow him.

 

He stayed away from the Barns for a while. It was probably for the best. He would have to start making plans for moving to Pasadena soon. He counted up all his money from final paychecks from the garage plus the extra grant money from all his scholarships- _which there was a lot of_. If he flew in a week early, he’d have time to actually buy things for his dorm since he had very little to bring with him, and maybe even a cell phone. There was so much extra grant money that he really didn’t need to rush to find a job. He’d want to get a feel of his new home before orientation and classes.

He felt guilty for feeling excited. Caltech was one of the top schools in the country, if not the world. He would have access to all kinds of facilities and resources to pursue a career in aeronautical engineering. And then maybe NASA, a small feeble dream of a young boy who wanted to escape this earth forever, now a real possibility within his grasp.

He knew he shouldn’t have felt guilt, he knew it was _stupid_. He was finally on his way getting what he wanted. This is where pride came in. Almost all the schools he got accepted to had an acceptance rate of lower than 10%. And they each chose Adam.

All those prestigious schools that had seemed like far-off fantasies, had deemed this simple country boy fucking worthy. Had wanted him.

But god, Ronan wanted him too. And that was beginning to fucking hurt.

It was two weeks before summer ended, before Adam had to leave. He sold his car to the garage for parts for a few hundred dollars, and said goodbye to the auto shop that kept him afloat all these years.

“I better not ever see you back here,” Boyd said clapping him on the back. He was more than thrilled when Adam told him his plans, and had to put in his notice.

“I promise."

It didn’t hit him until then that he was going to miss Boyd. The work was hard, but Boyd paid him as best he could, and he was always fair. He didn’t know him personally, beyond work. Adam never really saw the point. But it meant something to him, something he couldn’t quite put a finger on, to know that this near-stranger that he’d known for over three years, was more proud of him than his own family was.

He began packing up his apartment in St. Agnes and was glad to be leaving this small room behind. Too many painful memories of sleepless nights and aching exhaustion hung on the dusty walls. He thanked the nurses for giving him a place to live. They made him a small cake in congratulations and wished him well. Adam ate most of it on the old Ikea mattress and it felt like the perfect farewell to this church.

Gansey was accepted to Columbia University where he planned to study history and anthropology. Everyone knew his parents wanted him to attend Georgetown to stay in DC, but Blue had gotten accepted to Parsons to study fashion. There was no competition. He was happy for them. Of course, Gansey still had to deal with Maura and the other women of 300 Fox Way, if he had even the smallest inclination of living with Blue with little to no supervision.

Though they would be in New York, it was still about two thousand five hundred miles closer to Ronan than Adam.

 

He found Ronan pruning a bush of hydrangeas. The blooms were gorgeous purples and blues. They were his mother’s favorite flower. Now that she had come home to live at the Barns once more, Ronan seemed determine to keep them as perfect as she remembered. He leant forward to smell one, and smiled.

“Hey,”

Ronan looked over his shoulder and actually smiled back. “Hey yourself.”

He stood and peeled his off his gloves to stuff them in the back pocket of his jeans. Adam hadn’t known what he wanted to say when he got here. Didn’t know if they would continue their fight. If this was going to be goodbye forever. Everything they had feared since March, all that uncertainty about the future to be laid out right here.

“The flower beds look good,” He said stupidly.

Ronan rolled his eyes. “Yeah they do.”

“Are the blue jays being assholes yet?”

“When are they not, but I’ve got a metal net thing over the bushes so my berries are fine.”

Adam nodded. God what was he doing? Talking about flowers?

“Can I ask you something?”

Ronan shrugged. “Sure,”

“If I decided to go to school in Boston or New York, would we have broken up?”

He shrugged again, feigning disinterest and nonchalance. An Adam of a year ago would have long-passed grown tired of the conversation before it even began. The both of them were raw exposed wire, ready to shock the other at the slightest touch. It never took much to get them red faced and screaming at each other over nothing.

Maybe they had grown older without realizing. Time sneaking up on them and changing them before they even knew it. Wounds were healed into fading scars. The ferocity that lived in them, the wild animals that were always tempted to scratch and tear at the surface at the slightest provocation were now tempered things.

Maybe this is what adulthood was like. Not everything had to be a fight. Not when you loved the other person too much to see them hurt anymore.

“Well, if it means anything, “ Adam said after a long moment, “it didn’t matter to me where I went to school. Distance wouldn’t have changed a damn thing about how I feel about you, Ronan.”

Ronan stiffened, pulling his brows together but not in anger or frustration. He looked defeated, digging his foot into the grass.

“I have been in love with you since I met you,” he admitted sadly. “And I always knew you were leaving, I did. Every time we talked it was about how badly you needed to get out of here. But then this summer… I don’t know, I guess I was stupid in thinking it was gonna last forever.”

He walked away from Adam then, heading towards the house. His stride was slow, Adam watched, not really in a rush to get anywhere. Just an excuse to be away from Adam. And it was killing him to see him go. It couldn’t end like this, not after all this. Not when they came so _close._

“You know,” Adam called. “The only stupid thing you ever did was think I was gonna somehow stop loving you when I went to college.”

That made Ronan stop. He turned and folded his arms. From a distance Adam could see the quirk in his brow. A challenge. Adam mimicked his  stance, arms folded.

“So what,” Ronan shrugged, taking slow deliberate steps towards him. “You love me now all of a sudden?”

Adam took a few slow steps towards him. “Loved you then, love you now, and I’ll love you in California. You’re kinda stuck with me, Lynch.”

They met in the middle. Feet to feet. Noses almost touching.

“I’m gonna miss the fuck out of you, asshole.”

“Yeah, likewise, jackass.”

Ronan’s scowl broke into a grin, which obliterated Adam’s.  He kissed Adam this time, with all the longing he couldn’t voice out loud. He brought his hands up to cup Adam’s face and kiss him deep and more fierce. He missed this, the smell and taste of Ronan. He was going to miss it when he left. He’d long for it until he was able to see him again. He wished this was easier, it had to be easier than this.

Ronan pulled back, thumbs wiping wetness from his cheeks. Adam was crying.

“Hey, hey,” he soothed, pulling Adam into his chest and holding him. “It’s gonna be fine, Adam.”

Of course it would be, Ronan didn’t lie.

 

Adam’s roommate was a shy boy named James Akintola. He was a National Merit Scholar and certified genius from Vermont whose Nigerian-born parents made him wait to attend university when he was first accepted at 14 years old. They wanted him to attend school with people his own age. Studying astrophysics, James was the type of kid that got his name in newspapers and journals for his brilliance. He was projected to change the world in a few short years, Adam was sure.

The shock and awe of meeting someone as brilliant as James quickly wore off when Adam got to know him as just a 18 year old who wrote Star Trek fan fiction, binged watched Adventure Time at three in the morning, shared his Netflix and XBox with Adam, ate his weight in pepperoni hot pockets and Capri Suns, and only wore boxers with superhero insignias on them. And he was funny,  and Adam liked that.

James liked asking questions, such wasn’t much of a surprise for an inquisitive mind who had to know everything. He wanted to know everything about Adam, where he grew up, who was texting all the time. At first it annoyed him, but Adam was patient - he didn’t think James had many friends.

Adam had only mentioned each of his friends once by name, shown him pictures of them on his phone when James had asked what they looked like, before he asked about them often as if he’d known them forever. He asked to meet them if they ever came to visit. He thought Noah would like James very much, but Adam left out the part about Noah being dead and a ghost.

It wasn’t long before James figured out that Ronan was his boyfriend. Adam didn’t know exactly how he figured it out, but of course, Adam had no idea how genius brains worked.

“What’s he like?” James had asked one night, while they both worked on assignments due the next day. “Your boyfriend?”

Adam looked up from his desk, almost confused that James had deducted that conclusion so easily. It’s not as though Adam had been hiding it, he just didn’t feel the need to brag about it.

“Well,” he said pushing away from his desk. “He’s a farmer. He runs his family's property back home”

James stopped everything to listen intently like a child with his bedtime story.

“He likes really awful music. Hated school. Has a lot of tattoos. He can be an asshole sometimes.”

James scrunched up his face, “Sounds….nice I guess?”

Adam smiled, he’d forgotten what it was like to not know Ronan, to only have rumors and his outward appearance to go by. It was hard to describe him in a way only Adam really understood. All the weird little things about him that he’d grown to love.

“No he is,” he assured him. “He can be, once you get to know him. One of the best people I know.”

Adam found himself staring at the framed frame on his desk. It was a collage of pocket sized polaroids of him and Ronan from the previous summer. Covered in dirt, laughing, making stupid faces. Ronan kissing his cheek.

Only a few months until he got to see him again. Talking about him didn’t make him seem so far away, suddenly.

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written fic in a long time and really wanted to write about Farmer Ronan. This was pretty much the entire basis behind this story.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> follow me on twits @patroklov


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